Loving Life and Loving Me

The decisions I make…

tohjiaxin — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 17:52:39 +0000

srsly.. im so impressed by yeowy and bel.
Haha i think they really just managed to speak the unspoken fear out though i never mentioned it.

God please lead me where You want me to go.
Let not my stubbornness stop me from walking in Your ways.
I wanna walk in obedience, listening to Your voice, every decision every step of my life.

I commit everything that’s going to happen tomorrow into your hands. No matter what.. I’m still me. life goes on. (:

the ramblings of a grown up child…

tohjiaxin — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 05:38:18 +0000

i just read ash’s blog about the sistahood of girls with dermalogical problems. y’know i feel the exact same way when i see plump and oversized girls. no matter how hard i try.. man i’ll never be like a cheryl wee. haha why is that she can just go on this fruits and veg thing for a week and u see a washboard on her midriff. serious. no fats and not even an inch of extra skin. all tight and firm. i’ve been laying my hands on my problem areas – known as the abt famously although mine includes my arms. the power of God can move in all areas of my life. to the day that i see no extra skin or extra fats.

chc celebrated it’s 20th anniversary. it’ll soon be our turn to celebrate our 10th anniversary. the last time i was at church’s anniversary, it was held at M hotel and everyone dressed up to the nines just for the event.. remember the cup.. remember Pst Lia worship leading with Rinnah still in her.. remember how we celebrated at a funfair at Marina after the event.

what would the next 30 or 40 years be like? during the 5th anniversary we came up with a pseudo family tree for our then-cg. and the entire family never left.. all still planted, growing and flourishing in the house of God. that’s what family is right. no one ever walks out on each other. 30 years later.. i’ll see the same crazy G2 girls and the same cch teachers.

i’m so inspired to start a diary of my journey in cch. but i cant write well.. those that make you feel just like them once you read it. haha i know its hard to describe what kinda writing that is. anyhow 300 was reading diary excerpts of this CHC cch teacher and how he has gone through 14 years of the ministry. it’s amazing. and only God knows what goes through a cch teacher’s heart and mind. i want to last this race. but i want more people on board with me. 200 children a feat? there are millions more out there hungering for food, desperate for a home, longing for a family, dying for a chance to study and do something great… most of all needing some love, acceptance and approval which only God can give. the children in Singapore – the rich ones, not so rich, poor ones, good looking ones, irritating ones and the children all over the world. Pst Eileen said.. what does it feel like to have 30000 children in cch? I guess that will be one step closer to reaching all the children in singapore.. but still.. not enough. more. more. more.

God this is the ministry for me huh. please then enlarge my heart for it. please give me strength and wisdom for it. i’ll win this war with you. for you.
the children must come. i refuse to lose them to anything. what do the children fight? PO, Krisland, studies, friends, tv. We’ll be better than krisland, nickelodeon and their friends. You are the solution. Give us the children God. Because I know, the minute they come into hoGc, You will be there waiting to embrace them, love them, talk to them and accept them. Thats why they have to come. Because they meet the solution to their life when they come. love you God.

LOVE IS IN THE AIR!

tohjiaxin — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 19:34:25 +0000

Carol was talking to me on MSN and she was just going on and on and on about how she absolutely loves CCH. And I couldn’t agree more. We have such a fantastic team. Mae-Ann is just simply awesome. I’m so thankful to God for putting me in CCH. Hahas.. when i look at the teachers sometimes, i just cant help but wonder where their love for people and life come from. Haha.. amazing. Even though i’m the oldest among most of them, i’ve so much to learn.

Jolie actually came to my house to surprise me with a pack of milo, brands essence, mammee, coffee and a card to encourage me to study for my exams. HOW SWEET!!! aww.. hahas thanks Jolie!! i really appreciate it!!

Cant wait for exams to end and give my 150% to CCH. Pst Lia’s birthday celebration was so funny!! It’s simply cool. Where can we find another church like hoGc. Pst Lia – seriously mo tak teng. If you understand canto. Haha.. seriously words fail me. Thank you Pst Lia, thank you Mae Ann. I couldn’t love this phase of my life more.

Time to grow. Get closer to God. Bring the children nearer to God.
I need more and more of You.
5 more papers to go. HAHA (: (:

Sustainable Idealism

tohjiaxin — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 14:02:08 +0000

A member of the public wrote in to the ST forum today. It was in response to one of the executives of the one of the few charities interviewed yesterday. Quoting him ” It is disheartening to note how even charities – founded on the principles of idealism are unable to resist the iron grip of pragmatism”.

To that, my immediate response was.. “Do you think idealistic people can survive on a heart full of love warmth compassion and a lot of tap water and fresh air”. One day, that compassion, love and idealism will wear out if your needs in life are not met. Why do people doing good only deserve the minimal of necessities and luxuries in life. Aren’t these the people doing the most good to society? Then they should be reaping the rewards and enjoying life too. Not in an extravagant sense, but in no way should they be disqualified from having a good quality of life. Dont’ get me wrong, I do not think that Durai’s pay is reasonable. Neither do I think there’s a need for his daughter to be chauffeured around. But I do think that people who start out doing something good and worthwhile in society deserve to also be paid well so that their needs can be met, and they can provide their families with a decent quality and standard of living – meaning they’re not just eating plain bread and water everyday.

Whilst I do not agree that monetary incentive is the best manner to attract quality staff to run a charity organization, I do think that it is only right that people involved in such stints deserve a good decent pay, benefits etc. Otherwise, the idealism will wear out and run dry. You do need to also think of their families right!

That’s why we all need “Sustainable Idealism”. Pastors are just amazing. Pst How coined that term and I think it is just a great concept and idea. Beyond being a concept and idea, I’m fully convinced that it is the way to go in life. Especially in the times that we’re living in now. Doing good while doing well. Give the idealistic people a chance. They have sacrificed much and gave up on potential opportunities to do good for society. That spirit in itself definitely deserves our recognition. Their work is work as much as the capitalists are doing their work, trying to spur the economy.

So in essence. Do good and do well. Which also means.. I really need to do well in school. My Pastors are just amazing. I’m totally grateful that I’m in hoGc and not just any charity organization.

Tomorrow is the G-20 summit opening. So many things are happening in the world. And so many things are happening in my world. One essay overdue, 3 more projects/papers and presentations to go. God, please help me.

tohjiaxin — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 14:30:43 +0000

i have a paper to start on.. which is due tomorrow. i hate myself for waiting till now. but the inspiration to write hasn’t come. HAHA rain down on me…
i have tons of books and readings to scour through tonight and come up with a paper by tomorrow. GOD HELP!!!!
on the side note.. everyone should watch kim longinotto’s films. im falling in love with her and her films. its real good! woohoo.. power to the feminists.

Insights

tohjiaxin — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 07:26:42 +0000

We go to school to learn and acquire knowledge. The intrinsic reward is we become analytical, we look at things in a more critical manner, we can deconstruct seemingly good policies and uncover the agenda and vested interests.

What then do i do so that i develop more insights into my own mind. Its like this whirl of mash together that contain thoughts, feelings, ideas, philosophies, convictions. Yeah sure I have convictions, but deep below, there are so many issues, rooting from the heart. What’s the key that unlocks the microscope so that you can delve deep into the core issue and “get insights about yourself”.

Something we all say is so important, but sometimes so difficult to find.

tohjiaxin — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 03:14:04 +0000

Dom says.. love, friendship, convictions and dreams cant be forced/inspired. you either have it or your don’t. so what do i do.. hmms.. if i don’t have it.. i can’t force it.
why does it seem like it just has to come back at me.

anyways.. im calculating costs to fly myself up to canada. i’ll need $3000. but the cookie jar won’t work because by the time it’s filled with $3000, i don’t have to visit isabel anymore. she’ll be back.. and i’ll nvr get to see Canada again too.
hahas.. mum says borrow 1k from dad, 1k from bro, 500 from qing and 500 from mum. pay them back 50% interest. hahas good job.

birds of the same feather talk to one another

tohjiaxin — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 18:47:01 +0000

its so true that birds of the same kind flock to one another. im seeing it act out in life. people from the weirdest places.. coming together. but then again when you look closely.. they’re so similar in value system, interests and personality. its revelational. but people are only attracted to others of the same kind.

your friends really determine you. who is beside you?

Decisions in Life

tohjiaxin — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 07:04:43 +0000

When Pst How said that we would enter adulthood even before we know it, I was like “yes Pst”. I knew it was going to come soon, but i really never expected it to be so soon. We had a great CG last night, Fifi was sharing the stage our CG is in in the Roadmap. And the revelation that she got from God was that it’ll be a year of us fulfilling our decisions we made to God when we were young Christians.

Tried as I might, perhaps I was tired, I didn’t really much of the decisions I made. There and then, I knew it was because I’d never dared to make too many decisions for fear of myself not being able to fulfill it. If there were any to be made, it was always according to the advices that I sought out from friends and family members. But the crunch is here. And there are so many decisions to make. I was just watching the HK serial where this barrister has an illness of the inability to make decisions. And he uses the traffic light to help him. If only it was that easy. But we all know.. decisions comes with consequences and we alone must pay for it. walk through it.

Culture is being in the crowd.Conviction is when I stand alone.

Coming back to the place of knowing He alone is God, and growing to stand strong in convictions.

I skipped class today. Esmonde is right. I feel so good. Had such a good sleep.. talked to my mum and ate the pasta she cooked.Blogged. Going to read the bible abit and go out for visitation. I miss grace!! Hahas.. I’ll take a picture of her soon and post it up. (:

I’ll be patient and wait.

On another thought.. was reading Toad’s note. I can’t wait for the day when i’m married with kids, and my neighbours are all my cousins! My kids will have so much fun playing with their cousins! Childhood was so sweet.. frog-catching, badminton, catching, swimming and fighting, cycling, bird-watching.. all in the good oh toh kampung in telok kurau. Telok kurau was so fun so cool because ahmah was there. Hahas pictures of her. I miss her!! But its okay.. i’ll see her when i go back to God’s house. Hahas.. thats why I always insist on the very little Peranakan blood in me. Cos i’m so proud of her.. and her buah keluat! It’s the best in town. And I don’t ever want to forget her. Hahas.. she’s a cool rocking nyonya. Cooler than Jeanette Aw and Joanne Peh. Hahahas.

new singaporean..

tohjiaxin — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 17:52:31 +0000

Socially Responsible
Innovative
Nett Giver
Globalized
Attuned
Problem Solver
Opportunity Seeker
Resilient
Educated
Adaptable
Nation Conscious

find a need and meet it.
find a hurt and heal it.

heal my heart and make it clean
open up my eyes to the things unseen
show me how to love like you have loved me

break my heart for what breaks yours
everything i am for your kingdom’s cause
as i walk from earth into eternity…

loving god… loving people…